hehehehehe!! i juz slept like 3.30 am in the morning... doing what?!?! watching japanese anime! hehehe... ever heard of "Marmalade Boy" ? hehehehe.. well, it'z funny cartoon... of course, about teenagers, growing up and having problemz... love, friendship, family.... all in one big picture! really something to enjoy watching... hehehehe...

so.. i woke up around 8-ish.. thinking that i might have to pick up Thika... but then... she couldn't come... so... oh well, at least i'm all set to go, in case i want to go out.. heiheiheie.. :D

went to MTA today! to play with the kidz... i promized to play but... i ended up not really in the mood to play anything, cuz i was juz too sleepy to do so... but i also met up with a friend in MTA... :) it was nice to meet him again! after a long time! i realized that i have done so many bad thingz in my past, and i guezz this iz how i want to make it up to him. I mean, juz by spending the time with him... that'z all... :) and to tell ya the truth, i really enjoyed being with him... thankz to him, i got to forget about the bad thingz that are going around my head... :)

got home, planned to have a nap, but i thot well, then i won't be able to sleep afterwardz in the evening... so i watched the dvd with my sis... i'm really bummed and so tired, i can really close my eyez, right now... and doze off... ..... zzzZZZZzzzzZzzzzzZzzz.......

thought of the day : oooo , yeah, i also was invited to go with my guy friendz... but... i felt i was too tired to go... so i turn it down... bwekz :p i couldn't open my bloody eyez... how could i enjoy myself if i'm like thiz? but you know what, i really really was relief that one of my friendz asked me out... at least, i'm not left out. I mean, i've been really isolating myself from my usual friendz... itz not becuz i don't like them... but itz becuz of the feelingz that i have, and i can't handle that situation at the moment... even though my ex isn't there.... i don't really care if he'z there or not, for me, i think i should juz not hear hiz name or presense at any time, cuz it'll only bring me to sorrows and grieves... but i have to say, i'm really much better than before. cuz i really could put my mind off him ... these several dayz... call me cruel... but that'z what i am... i guezz more and more each day, i think of him as my past and as my lesson. I know that i'll be able to accept thiz break-up soon or later, iz juz the matter of time to heal my pain, thatz all. even if i have to back away from my old friendz to make myself heal... it'z a selfish act, but i think that'll make me understand more about myself, and what i want in life... i've never thought of myself that much, so i guezz thiz iz juz the right time for me to know the real me, and what i've become and how to improve myself to be a better person... :)

NEW YEAR'Z ALMOST HERE!!! I have to write my New Year'z Resolution soon!!! :) hehehe.. how about you guyz? do u have any!?!

woke up at around 9... and i was really sleepy, but i had to wake up... cuz i had that computer course at Ratu Plaza, right?! Oh my, it was really interesting! Exciting...

Oh oh!! want to hear something so lame! while i was waiting for the computer store to open, there was the personalz of the group band, "Gigi"! ahahhaha!! Armand Maulana and Dewa or something?! hehehehe.. anywayyyyyyyyyyyy................

Went back home, and mom asked my sis and I if we wanted to go to PS to eat... so we did... but i was really too tired to walk around, and i quickly drove my car back home... and i had this LOVELY massage.... oh my!! I even slept during that time... i was juz too tired from the nite before... hehehe...

and now, i'm on my computer, trying to figure out how to play this 'flash' thingy! Once I get home, it'z like all blank! damn.... so right now, i'm like figuring it out with my eyez crossed, trying to make a good design! GOSH!!! where all my talent go, man!? have I lost it!?! am i dat stupid?! pleaseeeeee!!! inspiration... come to me!!! i'm desperateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

NEWS FLASH : My best friend, Emi is here in Jakarta!!! Juz so great!! so like next wednezday, we're gonna meet up!! HORE!! HORE!!! *dancing to the beat* With Sylvee too!!! Juz like OLD TIMEZ!!! DAMN!!! :D i can't wait!!!

Well, would you look at that?! someone here has been messin' around with my blog... yeah.. someone has been sneaking... and.......... peeking and.... myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... let me tell ya, what a fine... fine... fine job... that person did!!! I love the way it lookz!! it'z really lovely!!! so simple!!! and nice to look at... yum! :D thankz to.......

AVIE!!!!!

My best buddy! hehehehe... Thank you so much, Avie!!! i really love it... although u did say that this is only temporary ...but i really appreciate what you did to my blogspot!! really! i'll be waiting for the permanent one... but this one is fine, while i'm waiting... :D heheheh... but i have to ask, where are all the other archivez? are they still around, or have they disappeared?! hmm.... anyway... Avie , you gotta teach me how to do this thing, man!? i don't want to have to depend on you about this thing all the time... i don't wanna be a pest ..... you know what i mean, do you!?! right, pal!?! hehehehhehe!!! anyway, thankz again, avie... it'z really lovely! hhehehhehe!

BTW, yesterday, on the 28th, i went to Mangga Dua with my family!! hhohohohoho!! actually looking around for a camcorder... and then... bought some more dvdz! hehehe... :D

At 6 pm, mom , indri and i went to GKJ ( Gedung Kesenian Jakarta ) The Art Building of Jakarta = WHAT?!?! Am i doing this right?!! please correct me if i'm wrong....!?!? well, I went there to see my best friend, Thika, sing! She had an event there, and she's in a singin' group/choir thing... So yeah... and she's GOOD!!! It was a lovely show... and had a real great time! And to tell you the truth, there are really really really talented ppl in this Elfa Music Studio! Geez!! their voicez are juz superb!!! And i really really enjoyed my time there! listening to those lovely , fantastic voicez! it really liftz me up to see that , "Hey, the world is not that bad, when you're enjoying something big with a group of ppl that are enjoying themselves"... and that we're not really alone.... :) Juz simply marvelous!

Okayyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Y’terday! I went out with my dad! Went to STC…. ( lotz of memoriez there as well!!! ) damnnnnnnn!!!! it ain't nice, but that'z what i have to do, and accept. that everywhere I go, there would be memoriez of him. how pathetic, can my life get!?! I'm sure, y'all bored and tired with my old story! Hell yeah, i want to try and keep it real... but hey, it ain't easy for me ! really not easy at all....

Anyway… ate at Raffles and then went to see a Hobby store for my dad’z remote control car… hmmm… boyz will be boyz, huh!?

After that, we went to Ratu Plaza, looked for a few dvdz there… and I got a new “tripod”!!! hihihihihi!! So in that case, I’ll be able to go around bringing my tripod and stuff… and be creative! :D niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……………!!!!

Gosh, my feet are killing me!!! Today, my family and I went out to MTA… well, okay, a family outing !! hehehehe.. we were there from like 11am till 4pm… walking the whole mall! Geez!! You could imagine, right?! We got a lot of stuffz there… personally I got like magazinez. Two were about camcorders, one about fashion, and the other was about music! :D Pretty much fun! My lil’ sis got a new skateboard! Geez… she is one cool chick! I really have to say that… it’z just amazing that she’s not afraid of anything… and I’m really proud of her!

So yeah, quite a day today! And I really enjoyed my time with my family!! Had laughs and we all enjoyed the time together! It’z real good that dad is having a few dayz off cuz we really needed the time together… itz been a long time since we had one… so it’z a start!

Oh dear, itz been two dayz , and I still have dreamz about him!!! When is it gonna stop,geez!!! I’m really getting tried of having to remember… you see, there are ppl who actually can’t remember precisely what they dreamt about. And some juz memorized it as if it was real! And let me tell you something, I’m one of those ppl. Dreamz juz getz stuck in your mind… and then I think about it, and try to find what’z the real meaning of it. HMMMM!!! This time, my dream was, he was all so cuddly again, and then there was this evacuation or something… so we had to like leave a building or something and we got separated. Then time passed by, and he did NOT come back. As a matter of fact, in the dream, he did not care about me anymore… he seemed lost… and I was there to look for him. But he was gone. To me, he really didn’t care for me anymore and he decided not to come back. Oh my! Dreadful dream! I hate it!

You see, although, it seems like my feelingz are so strong for this guy, but I know there’s nothing I could do about it anymore. But my inner self is juz fighting itz way out to get out and express itself. Itz like I need to let it out… is it that I should let it out to him? Or to the world?! I don’t know… What should I do!!?! At least, I can tell you one thing, I’m not weeping about it that much, thankz to the book, t. Irma gave me, the one about “Happiness”. It really helpz!!

Merry Christmas everyone!!! What a joyful day! BUT it rained all day long!!! Okay, I might not be celebrating Christmas, but we did celebrate a little for Mom and Dad’z 30 yearz of knowing each other! AHH!! How romantic!! I mean, that must be really something, don’t you think!?! I sometimez I wonder, if I’ll ever find someone as loyal and loving as my father! I mean, to me, ( of course ) he’s just perfect, ( well, he also has his bad sides ) but hey, he’z just wonderful!!! Hehehehhe.. but no matter… it’z okay.. i can’t be envy with my own parentz, I just wish that one day, I’ll find that right person for me. That would be lovely!

Dad and Mom decided to go out and play bowling today! Ahhh! How fun!! I also requested to meet up my other cousinz. So we actually went to PIN bowling to see if we had a spot there, but no… there wasn’t one for us, and there was a NO SMOKING sign, which made my dad really upset, cuz he couldn’t smoke at all! Hahhaha! Okay, so we didn’t play there, but before we left that place, I bought three CDz!!

1. Hoobastank
2. The Ataris
3. The Neptunes

Nice!!!! Hahahaha… I am really satisfied with it, cuz itz been a long time since I bought my own personal favoritez. Hehehee..

So we didn’t play at PIN, but we did go to Automall, to play bowling there! And it was so funnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!! I met my cousinz and aunts and uncles there. And had a great time! Hehehe! It was total fun! I played like three games! Mom and Dad played 4 gamez! Mom was really on fire! Hahahaha…!

Then of course it had to end and we all went home. We also had a little time of watching “Friendz” and had a few laughs, until we all were too tired to even watch it. So we all tugged in! :D

Today, I was looking forward to my new computer course! Ahhhh!! But first, I went to the salon first to blow my hair. I just felt like it. Nothing personal. Then I went to Ratu Plaza with the taxi. Cuz I haven’t got the car, so I had to take the taxi. Even though, itz been a long time since I rode a taxi, it was alrite. I used to go everywhere by taxi. It felt alrite! Hahahaha.. So I took the course, had a two hour study of Macromedia Flash! My.. my… itz the most interesting thing I could come across my dayz of boredom. Hahhahaa… itz really interesting! And I really enjoyed the lesson… I’m looking forward to my next class. That is on the 29th, thatz like next Monday! :D

I wanted to go out in the evening! Well, I had like three options, 1st was to go to Sheila’z house, 2nd was to go out with Gibran, and 3rd was that Ibnu asked me to go out with my other elementary friendz. And who did I end up with ?!! NO ONE! I didn’t go anywhere! The road was packed with cars, you can’t even move. I just didn’t feel like going anywhere that nite, with all the traffic! So I stayed home with my family and watched “Friendz”! Hehhehehe… it really curez up my day!

hmmm… thank God, I didn’t really remembered what I dreamt last nite… hehhehe.. so I’m rather relief on that one…

Anyway, I spent the whole day with my dad yesterday! It was great!! I was able to talk a lot. Figure out what to do with my life. And well, there are solutionz but I juz have to face them, and well, show him that I can. Dad told me to look around the internet for information on thingz, but damn, the internet is so slowwwwwwwwwwww!!! My goodness!!! It’z becuz of one of the cablez that were broken or something… made it really slow!! Urgghhh.. I guess I can’t do anything about it , can I? there’z no use of getting whiny about it…

So… today, I went to PIM, to watch a cartoon, “Brother Bear” with my little cousinz, Bia and Dhafin and my sis, Indri. I also invited Thika to join us! Ah! It was so lovely!! The story was just so nice! Something to think about… Spiritz and the lessons in life you must take sacrifices that must be made. Wonderful story! And the kidz loved it, Thika too! So yeah, we walked around and went to the book shop. Bought two bookz , magazinez and a comic book for Indri. Felt good about it!

After all that, I had to take Thika home. And definitely got caught in a traffic, but it was okay. But eventually, when I was going home, I had a little trouble with the car. It juz wouldn’t brake. It was terrifying, there was like a few secondz and I felt like the car was out of control. Tell you what, it was freaky and it wasn’t funny at all! Thank God, I was close to home, so I wouldn’t have to worry that much, but my heart was beating so fast. B’cuz I panicked. Told dad about the car immediately.

In the evening, I had my English course. I thought I might be having class, but then we had a nice long conversation at Scoops. A café near the English course center. I had a wonderful time. Just some quality time to talk and had a conversation with my classmates and my teacher, Mr. Stephen. So there, that was my day.

Today, AGAIN, dreamt again, about him! Gosh! He really hauntz me like this ghost! How freaky !!

Anyway, forget about that, yesterday, I forgot to tell you something. My dad came back from his mission, right? And we, the whole family, got souvenirs!! Hihihi! But there was one souvenir from my aunt that was living in Virginia. She gave me a book, called “A Thousand Paths to Happiness”. Something that I really really need at the moment. I couldn’t just stop looking and reading all the phrases in the book, it made me see that in this world, we should be able to achieve that happiness, in whatever condition you are! Maybe now, is a rough to find happiness for me? But this book shows me more than that. It made me think twice. It made me smile through out reading it. And I really want to thank my aunt, T. Irma in the states. It means so much to my right now. And I need all the support I can get! Love you, T. Irma!

Dreamt about him again, gosh, itz seemz I can’t get off him… I really can’t…geez why is it so hard to do!?! Grrr!!!

Today, I didn’t go anywhere… I juz stayed at home, I didn’t feel like going nowhere, so I liked, watched the TV for the whole day! Being that potato-couch gurl! Damn! I realized that I missed my dad so much…

And GUESS WHAT?! Dad’s BACK!!! He juz came back!!! He’z here! At home!! And I thot he would be coming back around tomorrow evening! But he arrived earlier! How lovely..! I was juz so happy to meet him, I shed a tear a bit! ( how humiliating!? ) but you understand, right?! I missed him so much! MY DAD!!! Hehehehe!! Now I’m calmer! Knowing that my dad is around! hehehehe!

hmm.... i still can't post my messagez?!? can I?

A LOT BETTER today!.... not thinking about my past too much…. But I’m thinking more of the future now, and what’s going to happen in a few dayz… trying to accept everything that’z there. But I can’t lie about not missing him like crazy! Hahhaha! Speaking of ‘him’, I watched “Drumline” the movie again, and man, that movie remindz me of him so badly! Cuz he IS a drummer, and he too lovez that movie. And I introduced him to that movie…. DAMNNNN… It’z just killing me! But I enjoyed watching it with my cousin , Bia and my lil’ sis, Indri…

If only, juz if only he would understand, and well, respect me for whom I am. Regardless of what race or what religion or ANY differences I have. I mean, I know, think of it like this… don’t you think when you love a person, you would also just accept his/her differences? Of course, we, too, can say a few thingz about our differences, but acknowledging it, and understanding and not disregarding the differences, then thingz would be fine!? What do you think? Well, I know you ppl might have our own perspectivez, and I don’t blame you if you don’t agree. But we all have our reasons in life. I understand. But if you asked me, I just want to be respected by ppl for who I am. That’z it, and I’m not asking for more… That goez to everybody, and not to juz MEN! But to everybody.

To my opinion, RESPECT is the most important thing you should do in order to live this life well. Thatz the only key to this world, to be able to respect other ppl’z views, perspectives, never disrespect one’z belief because itz just different. For “different” is good, in that way, differences makez the world balanced. The world to become what it is today. Like there’z Yin Yang, and then there’s Good and Evil in this world, that’z all to do with balance…

Would you like to imagine the world where everything is perfect?!? Would you want to see the world with everything all just the way we like it to be? Don’t you think it would be boring if it were all the same!? To me, it will be dead boring. Hahaha!

So yeah, that’s what I really think. I’ve come to see that this break-up I had, was actually a good thing that happened to me. It showz that I needed to look to the world! A bit of a wake-up call, that HEY, This world isn’t just about being the same, but also accepts all aspectz of the world!

Sometimes I still have that anger, that feeling of not accepting the break-up I had. Sometimes I even wish to slap my ex and make him realize that this world ain’t juz his! This world also has other views to other thingz in life. And not only from his point of view! I don’t know, am I being too obvious, am I being obnoxious? I don’t know… maybe you might think dat I’m out of my mind now…. That’z it… but hey, I need a shout out sometimes. And hell yeah, I MISS HIM BADLY though!!! Hahhahahahaha!!!

People come up to me and say, “Find another guy!?” Yupz, if we can see it that way, it would be very easy! But hey, I don’t feel like it , for now. To me, he was alrite, he was a BIT above my standards! And I thought he was juz the one… but man, I was wrong…. Hahaha… the one thing I forgot the most was that the guy that would be the one for me is that he would respect me for who I am, and accept me for ME! Hehehe… Stupid me! But we, humans intend to do mistakes. But learn from them!? K? like what I’m trying to keep up with!

I have to be honest with you, that I’m really in the verge of knowing my problem and solving it, and knowing it but alwayz like to look at the past…. Cuz DAMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNN!!! I still do miss him, and I’m not afraid to show it!!! Hahahahahhaa!!! Peace, y’all!!!!

Duh Hey! When you think you’re alrite ‘n you feel like nothing is in your way! There would be a time, when thingz ARE in your way!?! Do you get what I mean? You think that you have everything in control but then thingz start to sux cuz thingz won’t even go your way! How unfair!!?! Geez!

Okay, today, the internet sux big time! I can’t even get online! And to tell you the truth, my blog thingy juz hang up on me! Like, it won’t publish the posts I juz did… so I think I’m going to make another one… take another template or something and juz paste it… I don’t know if I’m able to do that.. but I’ll try it out… gosh, the internet is really bugging me !!! I can’t even get online! And see how this goez! GRRRRR!!!!!

bla... bla... bla

Ah!! okay.. itz wednesday! hmm... as i was going thru my CDs.... i saw my sista'z favorite band, "All-American Rejects"!!! I remembered one of their songs... and it seemz juz right for one of my feelingz towardz everything all around me!! I guezz it represents my feelingz for my ex! Even though, it hurtz, but I still think of him... I still love him... but there are so many thingz that are in the way... I had my share of loving him back... being able to taste all his presence next to me, to be able to breathe him in my soul again ( thank you God ), but I juz can't go back to him... now, i can see what'z ahead me, and what'z in for me.... so there'z a few thingz i want to do .... i don't know if it will happen... but i'm willing to try... :)

------------------------------

"All-American Rejects - The Last Song"

As I leave will you be someone to say good - bye
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye
My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now

You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back
Now i'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want
Is this what you need, how you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when
I'm gone
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal, now I sing it.
Somehow I knew that I would be this way,
Somehow I knew that I would slowly fade.
Now i'm gone, just try and stop me now.

And will you need me now, you'll find a way somehow
You want it too, I want it too.

------------------------------

What do ya think!?! cool, isn't it?! I need to get it out of my system! I need something new!!! I NEED A NEW LIFE!?!!?!?!?!?!!!!
Hahahahhahahahahha!!! I'm going insaneeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! heiehiehieihiehe!!

Hey, have you ever notice the magician called, "David Blaine"? I don't know if you believe in magic... but he is the freakiest person alive man!!! geez!! i don't know if he's pyschic or something... Tell you what?! If i could, i really want to meet that guy! I really do!! he juz amazez me so muchhhhh!!! Don't know how he does it.... but he'z totally wicked and insane!! I need to meet a guy like that!!! I bet his visionz are juz insane... and can't be understood by any man!! ahahahhahahaa!! damnnn!!! :D

Hahahhaa!!! itz the end of my story now!? My life is juz beginning! and i'm really up for a new adventure... :) I'm just going to do the things I've alwayz wanted to do... I don't really care what will happen to me in the end... i'll just have to look front and be happy!! and be grateful for everything that'z in front of me.....

There's two songz that'z been in my head for these dayz... and i think it'z juz "RIGHT" for me now! I'd like to share the lyricz for you all!!!

"POD – Will You"

See you sittin' next to the window in the bedroom
She breaks down - breaks down
Crying over something and starin' into nothin'
Afraid now - hate now
Wanting, needing, haunting, it's killing me
Faking what has happened to live the life like that man
I'll break down - It's fake now

Will you, Will you love me tomorrow?
So Will You, Will you stay with me today?
Fade in and out of reason to fight the way she's feelin'
She breaks down - breaks down
Going through the motions and holding onto hopes
and her dreams now - somehow
Shaken, mistaken, forsaken, it's killing me.
Wishing you could change, but he's always been this way
If you leave now - I'll drown

Will you, Will you love me tomorrow?
So Will You, Will you stay with me today?
Will you, Will you be here tomorrow?
So Will You, you remember yesterday?

Yesterday! Yesterday!
Yesterday! Yesterday!

This time, I'm sorry
This time, I'm sorry
This time, this time, I'm sorry for this time
This time, this time, I'm sorry
This time I'm sorry!


And there'z one more!!!

"Nickelback - Someday"

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Don’t think its too late

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror

Hello World!! it'z been awhile!!! hahahahaha!!! I can't help but say, " LIFE IS SO COMPLICATED " !!! hahahhahaa!!! damn, i'm having this massive problem which i can't really handle for the moment... when thingz started to look alrite, there comez another problem into your life!!! And that iz why we shouldn't take anything for granted... huh?!?! HEhehehhehHEhe!!

Life can't always be what you want it to be... sometimez the situation you are build in, doesn't really connect with the thingz you want it to be, am I right? Right now, that'z what i'm feeling and damn, i have a real big headache!! hhehehehe.. pretty much.... it'z a big deal... but then again, we can alwayz try to enjoy it...

Hmmm, let me ask you something, would you want to let go a person you love so that he/she would be happy??? knowing that he/she will be happy without you...? would you? I'm sure you all would... that is when you feel like you love that person eternally.... isn't it? But when timez get tough, and in the end, that person you love isn't happy? what would you do? Yup, exactly, you would be right beside him/her, regardless of what you feel for him/her!? right? Ahhh.. damn, love can really really do crazy thingz to you, can it??? too much can really kill you!?! hahahahhaa!!!

But ppl, i am serious about this matter... right now, i'm not scared of what'z yet to come... i don't really want to hide from the fact of what i'm feeling... i juz want someone I love, HAPPY! and that'z all that matterz...

You might think, okay, " How about you, Shinta ( Zie ) ? But you won't end up happy!? you'll be left alone!?! you'll be sad!??! you'll get hurt again!?! "

Nahhh... this time, i'm not afraid, if i get hurt AGAIN... cuz i know that person is happy, and i know i'll get my share one day.... NOT NOW, but one day.... it doesn't really matter.... cuz i love that person so much... and i would juz do anything..... wow....!! I'm pretty naive on this one!?! hahahaha... but seriously.. i'm telling the truth... Once i know that that person i love is happy being himself, and being with another person... then my job is done.....

Right now, my job isn't done... it's juz the beginning... and i'm up to it!!! I'm gonna have to face... whatever it takez, i'll go beyond my limitz if i have to.... but i'll juz have to be patience and the only thing that matterz is to give love all around me... that'z all...............

So if you love someone.... let them go, and if they come back to you... that means you were meant to be! So don't worry....!!!

Due to all the problemz that arizes in my life.... i decided to take a break from this blogger thingy... i don't really know when i'll be back.. but i juz need to straighten up a few thingz on my own thiz time....

Sorry for my selfish act... but this is for my own good!!! Love you all!! miss you already!! thankz!!!!!!!!!! and good bye....

All i can say about today is............................................................

"WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY!"

Good Morning!!! gosh!! My eyez are like really small! ( rada sipit! ) haiehiehaihiehiaeae!!! I still don't know what'z my plan for today!?! but the thing is i'm going to have to set the time... to arrange my trip to the rave party?!?! Don't know if i'm able to go or not.. that'z the thing! anyway.............

First of all, I want to apologize to my best friend, Emily!!! that I didn't write anything about her birthday yesterday!! *jadi 'gak enak* well, yup!! yesterday on the 4th of December was also my best friend'z,b'day!!! Emi-chan!! Forgive me, if i didn't mention anything on the blogger thingy... i knew that we are 15 hours different... but i know that it'z also Emi'z b'day!! heiheiheiehieh!!

So, gurl! you're 20 now huh!? haiehiaehiehea.. udah kepala 2 bow!!! hehehehee! This is my prayer for you, hoping that the thingz that you do will be able to grant your wishes! Just wishing you all the best, and you would be able to find happiness to your life! You have been such a wonderful friend to me, even from a far, and i will never forget that! It don't matter if you're all the way in SF and I'm in Jakarta, I hope we'll never come apart between us until a long long way to go... right, Emi!?! May you always be bless by God for your greatest deeds... Love ya, Gurl!!! You're one of a kind!!! Always keep in touch, k? You know me inside and out, and very well indeed!! hehehe! Muachhhhhhh!!!!

Today is a special day!!! it'z my father'z birthday!! how wonderful!! he's celebrating his 50th b'day!! Gosh.. it'z amazing it'z half a century, right?!! hahahaha!! We bought stuffs for him and there was this lovely bouquet of flowers we ( mom, indri and I ) bought from PS... it arrived around 7am! Not bad!!! :D dad loved our presentz! hehehehe...

That was like around 8-9-ish when i went to my dad to hug and kiss him ... but around 11-ish... i went back to bed!! GOSH!!! i felt so sleepy... i couldn't open my eyez... hahaha.. i slept till 2.30... and then talked on the phone... and then to the salon!!! hehehehe!! curled my hair again!!?! hiaehiaehieahe... ( lil' sis'z request! )

At 7pm, our family and my grandmom, went to Mandarin Hotel to have dinner... :) it was nice... we went to the nice japanese restaurant there... and besides it was a special occasion... so it was a really nice opportunity to eat there... ;) A big meal, i must say.. and i'm still FULL!! GOSH!!! but really yummyyyy!! :)

Well, i wish all the best for my dad, i love him so much.. and i would pray each nite, for his happiness and may he be as happy and as healthy as ever... I also hope that all his wishes would be granted one day... and make him the happiest man alive... I love you Daddy, you're my #1 man in my life... and no one can ever replace you!!! MUACHHHHH!!!!

Well, i got to get out of the house! thank GOD! I went to ILP to pay for my course, and then i went to Ratu Plaza .. just to look around... also met Itchy there! and boy, did he make me laugh all day long?!

oh goodness, my maidz aren't back yet!! where can they be? hmm.. mom'z still being a little firey today... i couldn't help but be mad as well, becuz she's acting like a kid!!! ( i'm sorry.. my bad ) but... it'z really a pain..... i don't know what to do... OHHH!!! OHHH!! Tomorrow is my dad'z BIRTHDAY!! it'z gonna be 50 thiz year!! Wow!!! half a century? isn't it? got him a champagne/wine cooler vase!.. if you know what i mean!?! yeah! :D

i juz hope i'll be able to enjoy tomorrow.. a lovely day with my dad! that'z it...

morning! morning! this is not good.... the day is just not good! my mom and dad had a arguement yesterday about the maidz not coming back yet from their 'kampung'... geez!! why? we don't really know... is it they extended the time with their family over in their kampung.. or juz plain lazy to even come back.. I don't know.. i can't really tell! but one thing for sure, if they don't come back... that meanz we gotta do something about the relationship we have with these people... there is something that isn't right about it... thatz why we're alwayz changing maidz every so often... i don't know, maybe our family is not warm enough??!? i don't know... there should be a connection and chemistry between us and maidz? i think that'z the only solution that we could actually do for the time-being...

dad also told me, that NOW itz my turn to manage the maid section! it'z like i'm going to be the manager of this whole house hold!! WAHHH!!! it'z okay ... it'z quite challenging! but yeah, i'll try my best.... and yez, i need all the support i can get!!! ARGHHHH!!!

Awww... man, i want a website now... I miss the time i use to upload my stuffs on the net, and made my own webby!?! hikz... oh well, i'll have to do something about it.. in awhile.. but i'm not sure when... A.S.A.P i hope!

very sorry if i was really sulking and down da drain at the last posted message... i'm really really crying my heart out!

Damn... damn... damn... but it'z hurting me bad.... i can't help it... i can't stop the pain from going away! maybe... becuz i didn't actually go anywhere ... with anybody... so it leaves me whining all about it... thiz feeling that i have, won't go away...and it hitz me every now and then... Gosh... i guess thiz iz what they call pain... isn't it? everywhere i go... i would alwayz have a memory with him... ( i guezz thatz the cause of having a good memory!? *dammit* ) but seriously.. i keep on saying that i'm fine... i'm fine... eventually i get hit again... like it won't go away... poisoning me in some way...

Okay, i can't deny it to, but a bit of hate would juz appear in my fragile heart.... hatred does come in picture... and then... my other side of me says you're not supoz to hate... it is a sin!? AHHH!!! I wish I could run my way out of here... i think i'm going nutz for a second there... probably the onez who read my blogger each day, you would think i'm crazy?! ha ha ha! *frownz*

Oh gosh... timez like theze, is when sometimez i yearn for comfort.... comfort and love and warmth... oh yez, i do have those from my family... but right now, it'z a little bit hectic in the house... so i don't really dare to say a word about my problemz... i also don't want to talk about it with otherz... not that i'm closing up... i juz feel like it would be a burden for another soul, if i talk about it..... i'm juz bothering them with my selfish act... depending on people is not my thing... i don't believe i'm doing that with the otherz...

I wonder if i'm "obsessed" or not? well, duhh... particularly i'm having a trauma of some sort.... to be honest... if there was a guy that was hitting on me right now... he might be my type and all, i don't really think i would go straight to him... for me.. right now.. it'z juz painful.. i can't seem to forget... i can't seem to handle "men" ... I'm like thiz strange person around them... I can't really find myself between those species! ( no offense! ) but really... i can't... I know i would go back to normal again.. but it would be quite awhile, until someone could actually open my heart again... my fear towardz another relationship ( a boy and girl relationship i mean ) would be off the picture for quite sometime... I can't deny that feeling of falling in love again... itz wonderful to fall in love... it'z juz beautiful to have someone love you as much as you love him/her in return...

Even if there was a guy... right now, loving me so.... i don't know if i could give the same feeling to him.... if you get the picture... the ultimate thing i have to do is.. try to be a better person... a much more stronger person.... so that i'm worthy enough to have someone... someone that is also worth loving.... to appreciate and respect the love i have to give....

When i write this down.... i feel that aching heart of mine beat slowly towards the words i write.... it bleedz endlessly... without shame.... i have no other thingz to say... but only pour my heart out... in wordz... i may not be a person who could talk her way out.... but i know i could write my way out of it.... no matter how painful it is... sometimez i even feel like i wish those words would come out my mouth... and speak itz word... and express the anger or that painful feeling to the people that upset me... but then again, whatz the use.. becuz it will only hurt another... it will only bring hatred again to this world... and i don't have the heart to do so.... even if that person has done something that hurtful and can't be forgiven!!!

Gosh... I need my Vodka-Vibe NOWWWWW~~~!!!!!!!

Morning, World! hmm... itz kinda dark for the morning... it juz might rain in awhile... anyway... last nite.. i didn't really immediately sleep... went out of my computer and quickly made a sudden move to take my phone...hahahhaa!! *sneaky zie* ( as u know... da little devil... as alwayz! hahahaha)

phoned up Avie! talked to him for awhile, cuz i wasn't feeling the "real" me last nite. Had this heart-ache, and i coulddn't stop it from aching...but eventually Avie had to sleep... ohhhh!!! wait! during my chit-chat with Avie... i took out a bottle of Vodka-Vibe-Ice for myself from the fridge... hwiwhihiwhihwoaehe! YUM!!! nice ....!! something to warm up my body to go to sleep... ain't it?! hehehehee!!

After hangin up the phone with Avie, i called my friend, Gibran! hahahaha... that kid will never sleep until like 1am in the morning or so... but anyway... we talked and talked...shit, and he made me laugh like hell! and thankz to him, that 'aching' feeling i had went away... it was good talking to him... never felt better... glad i have a best friend like Gibran... who understandz me well, even without talking to him like 24/7 ... but he's around... and i hope he'll always be! :D

AND.................. Becuz of 1 bottle of Vodka-Vibe... i was already sleepy... and I dozed off to dreamland of course... and woke up at 9am... and leaves me writing the bloggy thingy!

Today... i haven't had any planz yet... but i'll find a way...

hmm... today i juz went to meet up with ardo'z gf, Irine! and yez, she's fun to hang out with... :D we ate lunch and sat at coffee bean and met two friendz of herz! thank goodness i was able to get along with her... :)

ardo actually chat with me, and said, "if you think you want to steal my gf away from me, well, over my dead body!!" hahahhahaa!!! silly ardo!! he's only joking!! hahahaha!! cute!!

well, i went home... and stayed there... didn't do much... on the computer most of the time.. played with friendster! haiehieahaeiheahia!! DUH!! not really that creative lately...

to be honest, i have thiz heart-ache... juz right now, i feel odd... itz not like me... but who carez...

OHHH!! Avie came over to my house today!! A shocking surprize!! i didn't expect him to come and drop by!! hehehehe!! it'z sweet of him! hehehe... thankz Avie!! :) heheheh.. and for the lyricz!!!

right now, i'm going to bed... i don't feel like myself for now.....