Long time no see...........

Wow!!! it'z been a while!! I guess, i haven't been writing for a week... I wanted to write from yesterday.. but i wasn't able to, cuz i had so many thingz to do... so forgive me... I haven't written about what'z going on in my life, lately!!!

Okay, first of all, the surprise was.... I went to Singapore for 3 dayz 2 nitez... hehehehe.. it was a LOVELY break for the 4 of us, Dad, Mom, Indri and me! The weather there, was really lousy.. and all the shopz were closed for the first day we arrived there, becuz it was the Chinese New Year, right!?!?! hahahhaa, it really sux.... my sister was actually whining about the shopz being closed... I know how she felt... but for me, it didn't really mattered... cuz i was with my family... juz enjoying my time outside my own city... We all needed a break from Jakarta... it was really terrible... knowing that, there was a bit of conflict in the house, a few weekz ago... but now, itz all good, also by the help of everyone of the family, trying to work all this out... :) So i was really grateful to have enjoyed my little trip to Singapore... juz a wonderful time together.... I hope my family and I would go there again, soon enuf... ( i can't help myself , but yez, there are a lot of thingz you could buy over there!! hihihihihihi... )

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While I was having that little vacation, I was reading one book... This book is called , "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho... The first time I heard about this book was from my father... and he said it was a beautiful book... It talks about how to follow and live up your dreams... or if i may say from the book, live up your Personal Legend... Now , i don't really know if there'z any translated book of the Alchemist in Indonesian... But if you guyz can read English and want to read, you should... it really is a touching book... to me, my eyez were really opened after reading that book... it touched my heart, and became something that i really want to do in my life... before it'z too late...

My dad told me to read that book from agez ago, but I alwayz didn't have time to finish the book, becuz i was too buzy with my life.. and forgetting to read... Until I saw one of my friendz actually read that book and recommended in her status or something... that that was how i remembered to read "The Alchemist" again.... now, that i know i have more time to read and write... I told myself, to read more bookz... for the good of me, as well! So i did.. i finished the book for pride... naturally it'z quite an achievement becuz you have learned something out of that book! hehehehe... so i'm making a real special effort on reading again... hehehe.. then by that, i'll have more vocabulariez.. and then i'll be able to write more often!! heiheiheiheihei!!! :D

A Day in Yogyakarta...20 January 2004

First thing i wanna ask, okay, has anyone flown back and forth, jakarta-yogyakarta in one day!?!? well, if you have, you probably know how i feel....

So yeah, i had to fly all over to yogyakarta with my grandma and a few relativez to go to a funeral... Eyang Wiet, my grandma's elder sister passed away on the 19th of January at the age of 80. She was a really beautiful woman, but itz a pity that she doesn't have any children of her own. So naturely, she was all by herself after her husband past away in 1991... itz sad.... but now, i'm sure she's happily up there in heaven with her family...! :) Rest in Peace, Eyang Wiet..... Love you....

I went to the cemetary where she going to be buried... and guess what... it rained... it was pouring big dropz of rain... and everyone that came had to bring an umbrella... i was soaking wet... and cold... my hair was all wet becuz of the rain... and did you know i didn't bring any more pantz , cuz i was going to go back to jkt on that day...? so... yeah, i went back to the airport and on the plane, my pantz were soaking wet...

Came home and took a really hot shower.... it was really nice... and went to bedddd!!!!

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Today, i woke up 12.30pm ... aheiheaiheiaeiahae.. the longest sleep i ever had...hmm.. and still lazy doing nothing.. until i had to go to my computer course at 4......

Anyway.... I got a splendid surprize in the evening!!! haiehiaehieieheiea but... i don't really wanna tell you guyz............................. ahiehieahieahieheaea!!! I'll tell you later.... the following day okay!?!? :D Cheerz everyone!! have a nice little holiday.... oh and....ppl who celebrate the Lunar Chinese New Year.... "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"

me? = Slacker for the Day

Did you know, I actually wrote like a hand full of writing in this blog, then the internet juz went out on me!?! Damn!!?!?!

Anyway, i'll juz make this short... I'm a slacker today!! gosh... i didn't do nothing! I wanted to go to campuz today, but i was juz too lazy to go... cuz i know it would be packed over there... ppl will be getting their KSS... and bla.. bla.. and all the stuff you need for the new semester! to be really... really... really honest... i don't really feel like going to college for the time-being... i juz lost interested... don't know if itz my major or not... damnnn!!!... well, don't think about it that much... it'z juz a state of mind... it probably be gone soon, or sumthing?!?! heiehiehiehiehe!

Did u know now there'z thiz 3 in 1 shit in the afternoon as well!?!? DAMNNNN!!! I juz really realized it when i actually got out my gate... with my car, "Speedy!" i waz going to Ratu Plaza, to have my computer course.. but then i turned back to my house again... goshh.... i feel so stupid for realizing it so late.... well, thank God, i didn't go to the Sudirman Road, and winding up with a 'ticket' from the policemen....

So eventually, i didn't go to my computer course today... so i actually didn't do nothing!?!? OHHHH!!! How lame!! How PATHETIC!?!?!? Man, i'm whiny today , am i!??!?! ahhahahahahahaha!!! forgive me...... in a day or two, I'll be having my period... so.. you all understand, don't ya?!

A Fun Day with my Family!

AHH!! it'z been a long time, since i had so much fun with my family!! we all went to MTA, to find something.... everyone was really in a great mood! itz juz really fun...!!!
I even asked a really "most-likely to be a no-answered" question to my dad!

Z: Dad, look at the photo-box stand.... can we take another fun photo box picture again!?

Dad : Why not?! letz go!

I was completely stunned!! I didn't really think that my dad would want to do that.. and so we did... all squashed up in one little box... hahahaha!! it was total FUN!!! i wish i could put in the picturez in my blog, unfortunately i can't... I'm not masterized in thiz blog thingy! so.... i need some help! pleasee? anyone!?!? help!?!? how do u put in an image in thiz thing!?!?!

Deeper Motion Wishes...

Juz came back from Alila hotel... ( my 1st time there ) anyway, i was there, cuz i wanted to see Gibran play... he'z a DJ and well, as a best friend, i wanted to be there... i was all set , with Ardo'z help, as in pickin' me up and taking me home... So... Ardo arrivez at my place at 10pm, with his gf, Irine... And we went off to PS, to meet up with the other group who was gonna go watch Gibran play... but that took some time.... and then we finally arrived at Alila, and Gibran wasn't there.... WOW! And so... we waited, and eventually sat in the club... watched ppl arriving... and that was like 12am! and there were only a few ppl.... Of course, minutez after that, Gibran arrived, but we all were told that, he was playing at 1.30! ooooo........ *dammit* i mean, if i knew that i think i wouldn't have came... knowing that it would be that late... so... Ardo, Irine and I had to leave quickly, cuz Irine really needed to get back home... it was okay... i really really wanted to stay longer... but when you gotta go.. you gotta go.... As we juz went out of the hotel, Ardo got caught by the police... damn, he had to give 'em money..... well, Ardo did pass the red light... and he didn't have his real STNK (what'z STNK in english?! *damn, my english is so poor now!!!!*) with him.. so of course, Indonesian policemen actually ask for money to make it easier for them to deal with all the sh*t.....


But anyway..... after all that thiz morning, I know there will be a next time.... I juz don't know when... but i'm sure i'll have great fun too! I juz hope i'm able to go to the 23th of Jan gig.... hehehehe.. :D Wish me luck, guyz!

A Day at HOME!

hmmmmmmmmmm............. i have no wordz now... i really don't... today i was supoz to meet someone.... BUT... that someone..... forgot that today was a "friday", the day that we were supoz to meet....... hmm... oh well, i can't really blame him for forgetting... but... gosh, i really was looking forward to it... and i wasted my day.... i stayed at home... didn't want to go anywhere... so... oh well... what can i say....... ARGGHHH!!

Firey as hell...

OH MAN!!! I'd like to give him a PIECE of my MIND!!!!! !@#$%%^&* I really can't control my feelingz of hatred now!! dammit!!! grrrr!!!

!@#$%^&*..... f*ck .... *whoopz* sorry... my bad... my bad...

I wish I could tell him off.... thatz all.... will i ever get the chance to do so!?!? I hope i do.......... ( friendz who knowz who i'm talking about, please... please... understand the feelingz of anger i have for thiz GUY! ) juz be careful if i meet up with him... it ain't gonna be "pretty"..... that'z all.....

Whiny ME!!!

I'm so so... so sorry! but i'm really so whiny today! I can't even really think that much.. maybe becuz i'm gonna have my period, so this iz my PMS thingy! Gosh, i could be such a b*tch if i'm like thiz ... but hey... hang in there for me! I can be a LOT nicer!! hiaheiheaiae... awww man.... thiz is pathetic... actually i don't really know what i'm whining about, you know! it juz feelz that way... and it ain't good!!!

anyway, today, i spend the day with my cousinz! thiz time, it'z not bia and dhafin, but it'z Edo, Joe, and Beau! these three are my cousinz from my mom'z brother... and they are juz adorable kidz! juz wonderful!! it feelz great after playing bowling.... ( but how come i'm feeling so whiny right now?! )

Forgive me!!! pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

I NEED A VACATION!!!! GOSH!!!

A Day with Mom....

We all know that sometimez, momz can juz drive us crazy at timez, but we all know , it'z all for the best.. isn't it? hehehe... but no matter what! I will alwayz love my mom!! she's not only my mom, but the bestest friend i could ever have! She'z juz wonderful... sometimez she tends to forget all the thingz she has taught me in life, and i guess, right now... we're both in a situation where we should remind each other... hehhehe...

Yup... so i spend the whole day with my mom today! it was really nice!! i really enjoyed it! we talked like for hourz and hourz during our shopping and stuff.... and i should do this too with my dad... but right now, it'z such a good time, cuz he'z back at work...

But all I know is that, right now, I should be with my family more.... I've been absent for a long time... and haven't had much time with my family last year... so i'm patching thingz up for the best....

I love you, Mom and Dad, and my little sista, Indri!! Muach muach!! LOVE YOU!!!!

A Lost....

Yesterday night, Gibran's father passed away.... his name was Azrul Sani... I heard from my father that he was a great man during his dayz... he even knew MY grandfather before he passed away... So... itz amazing that i became Azrul Sani's son'z best friend... And I'm sure my grandfather would be proud... :D but anyway, i heard the terrible newz and totally wanted to be there for Gibran... even though i know he would be buzy and stuff, but i juz wanted to be there.. that'z all...

Good thing, his gurlfriend sms-ed me up this morning and asked me to go with her... and so you can say i was there to see Gibran, all the way... i know me and Gibran are really so far apart now, but i know he'll alwayz be my best friend, even though we never see each other that much... I owe Livie, his gurlfriend a lot too, for letting me hop on her car to go to the funeral... She's really a sweet, nice and beautiful gurl, and i wish them both all the best ... Gibran is very lucky to have her and so to Livie.... Keep it alive... keep the love alive, you both!

So.... I hope Gibran would be strong and hope he could still enjoy his life, knowing that his father would be so proud of him!! cuz i can tell you that, Gibran is a really really nice person and a very good friend.... :) I know... and that'z all i need to know.... Love ya , dude!! you're alwayz a pal, and hope your family will be fine....

Yeah , baby!!!! Let'z Paaaarrrrrr-tttaaaaayyyy!!!!

Okay, on Saturday nite, i did went out to have thiz party... was invited by Thika, and well, it was really nice... of course, 17 year old partiez can be really fun...!! *I missed those dayz* Anyway... had my share of dancing and grooving...!!!! had a few drinkz here and there?!?! wo-hoooo!!! :) but i'm all sober... Thika too! So basically we had fun!! :D hehehehee....

Sunday, woke up at Thika'z house, slept at her house for the first time!! hihihi!! which was nice.... :D and so... before leaving, I had a wonderful chat with her mom!!! She's really something!!! Believe me!! hehehehe... she'z juz really something... i can't describe it... Thank you, thika'z mom! hehehehe! :)

After that, i went home, and met my family... and we all went to eat lunch with my grandmom, at Coca Suki... Soon after that, we dropped off my grandmom, and we all went bowling again!! Yeahh!!! :D heheheh.. at Automall!! I guezz, i'm really loving it!! itz so nice and givez you that satisfaction once you get a strike?! hahahahhaa!! well, i'm enjoying it!!! so itz not a crime, is it?!?! hehehehhee!!!

Spending time with a Best Friend...

I had a great day today, as in, I able to spend time with my best friend, Thika... I went out to Citoz to have a long chat about thingz! and to tell you the truth, it was good sharing... Now I know a few more thingz about somebody else'z life and then again, i look up again and say, "Hey, there are much more ppl out there that have greater problemz than mine!"

Eventually, I juz intend to forget .... ( particularly every time ) but still... itz okay, now... i juz am sure that thingz will work out... even if i have to suffer and struggle.. and yez, life does go on... can't stand and wait forever for thingz to happen... MAKE THINGS HAPPEN~!!!

Played a little pool this afternoon with her, and damn, i lost like a lot of timez... i haven't got my fire back!! becuz of all the BOWLING technique that i have..!!!! MUAhahAHhahAhhAHAHA!!!! ( I'm being too much, am i?! )

Wish you all the best for you out there.... and especially to my family which i love the most , and more than anything in the world.... other than God.... hehehehehe!!! LOVE YOU!!!

Tearz that couldn't stop

today, wasn't so nice..... i had a real crisis and i actually had to cry... DAMN! ( and i thought i was all thru that... ) but the point is ... it wasn't about my ex or anything like that *i swear* ... it'z even greater!! and it SUX!!!! good thing, by the end of the day, there was a solution to it... i think?! geez!!! i don't know about tomorrow... but i hope there will be some good outcomez after thiz whole crisis business is over.... I HOPE!!! *keep my fingers cross* itz for the better !! FOR EVERYTHING!!!!

I know thingz will be better... we juz need to realize our mistakez and thingz... don't have to be ashamed of our weaknesses, as we all humanz have many weaknesses.... so gosh... i juz hope and pray that everything will work out fine...

I love you , Mom, Dad, and Indri! you're the only onez i have in my life... and i'll try not to let you down.......

BTW, I went to play bowling with my sis, at Pasaraya! itz like only 10 thousand rupiah!!! for 1 game!!! ehehhehehe... Come on, letz all go BOWLING! MuAhahAHhhahHAhahHAha..........

hehehe... yesterday, i did my usual computer course at Ratu Plaza, and then met up with Emily, my best friend..! How nice!! I spend the whole day with her... it was nice. Emily has been my best friend since high school, and until now, she still understandz me inside out. I can't understand what the connection we have... but it seemz that we juz know each other by heart. and i really really enjoy my time with her a lot... :) she'z juz a fun person to be with... and so cute!!!

i miss the timez we were in high school all of a sudden... itz juz sweet sweet memoriez. when life seem so good when you're in high school... when problemz you only get iz only from school work, but then when it comez to friendz, then that'z the time when you can be free to do whatever you want... you can live your life without sorrowz.... but as you get older, problemz will occur ... and you would have to face them thru thick and thin...

there'z sadnezz in my heart, for i can't find the light in a person who used to be my good friend... my best friend.... my companion.....the person i trust the most... I really did trust him.... i cherished our friendship... but it all had to end becuz of something that he can't accept.... it had to end becuz of hiz decision... becuz he lost trust in me... or he doesn't believe in me anymore.... and i wasn't good enuf, i wasn't able to show him enuf, that i'm trying my best.... but he lost his faith in me... i guezz i was not good enuf for him... that is why it had to end up this way...

like his wordz on my big cloth of "Friendz" signatures and wordz,

"Nice to know you....."

then i would whisper back to him now, "Good bye..."

Incubus Rulez!

i want to par-tayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! geez... i need a break from all thiz... itz driving me nutz!?! i need to loosen up a bit... Help me!!! I want to enjoy one nite of dancing... or raving, or whateva... I juz need to let it out.... I haven't got my chance yet, i need it....

:)
hey there... good morning.. it'z almost 1am... and i'm listening to one of the songz that my ex gave me ... before we really seperated... and silly me, i'm crying, by juz listening to it... stupid me... thinking that this would make me better... well, itz not helping.. but i'm juz enjoying the tearz that runz down my cheekz... ( you guyz probably think i've gone nutz ) but it feelz good after the crying.... i have a clear mind after all dat....

and now i'm listening to ill nino - numb... the funny thing is, Reno, my friend, gave me this song over the net... told me it was a really good song... and to tell you the truth, itz really something!! i love it! and the lyrics does fit the situation i am in now...

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I loved you
You were all that I wanted
Then, I watched you
Turn into someone else

Well I'm sick of the fighting
I'm sick of just blaming myself

Well I'm sick of escaping
I'm sick of erasing

Your face and the places
That give me a trace to you

But I will never find you

I can't hold on
I'm feeling numb
From everything you do
And put me through
When I was part of you

I'm feeling numb
From holding on
To everything that you
Had put me through
When I was part of you

Well if I can deceive you
Then why can't I leave you alone

Well if everything's painful
Then why do I wait for

Your face or the place
That will give me a trace to you

But I will never find you

I can't hold on
I'm feeling numb
From everything you do
And put me through
When I was part of you

I'm feeling numb
From holding on
To everything that you
Had put me through
When I was part of you

Siento el amor
Siento el dolor
Siento el amor
Siento el calor
Siento el amor
Siento el dolor

But I will never find you

I can't hold on
I'm feeling numb
From everything you do
And put me through
When I was part of you

I'm feeling numb
From holding on
To everything that you
Had put me through
When I was part of you

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Thank you, Reno for the wonderful song!!! and i wish you good luck on playing this song.... ;)

Love can make you go NUTZ!!! .... am i rite??? am i rite?!?! sometimez you even don't know what you're doing to yourself... when you're already caught up in the web of L.O.V.E........... hahahhahaha!!!! Disgusting when i describe it like that !!! haiehiaehiehaae... I juz know that you'll do juz crazy thingz to show the world that you love ...... :) Love is like an addiction..... is it??? or is it not??? what do you think?!?! Answer me ppl!?! i want your commentz!

Forgive me please, but i need to let this out... a bit...

hmm.... let me tell you about saturday... a start of a day which wasn't so good... as you know that now... okay... my ex has already gotten himself a new girlfriend... i'm quite relief and hurt in both wayz... like okay, "Yes, i'm able to move on and get on with my life... " and there'z another saying, "How could he do such a thing to me?!" Well, anyone can... i guess... itz his choice... and i think itz a fine choice... he picked the gurl that will probably fulfill hiz need in the spiritual way... besidez, i think that gurl also needz my ex around... cuz she'z been around... and well, seemz to me, thiz gurl has got her heart set on him, but she never got to say it until now... :) I'm really really happy for her, that she moved to one more step, from the storiez that i heard from my ex, thingz between them were kinda strange... and to me, with my guezz, this gurl lovez my ex... oh... come on it'z so obvious... from the day my ex told her that he wasn't dating me, she wasn't to surprised of happy about it. but anyway...

my evil twin has come back now, and man, i have to tell you, i'm pretty wicked 'n can't really control my emotionz.. i don't blame the gurl... but i juz have thiz disgusted feeling towardz my ex now. Itz juz terrible... which i think i shouldn't be doing that, if you notice, i once said, i'd let him go if i know that other someone can take care of my ex, that would be fine... but seemz to me, it'z easier said then done, huh? Man, i'm really not a good person, am i!? still lost in space, without a trace of live, what so ever... it'z killing me... I'm letting go, but the fact that... uggghhh!!!

the funny thing was yesterday,i wanted to go to my friend'z house in cinere... and then, i was a with a friend, told her that, "Ok, it would be nice if i met my ex driving hiz car off the road ...'' and like 10 minutez later, my car passed hiz car... he was from hiz girlfriend'z house, i gave him the dim light, but he didn't even respond, i don't know if he saw me or not... i don't think he did... or maybe he didn't want to respond... cuz his gurl was next to him... he didn't even call... and gosh, my whole body like ached as i drove my car to the other direction. He doesn't care 4 me.he doesn't really want to have anything to do with me anymore... it'z juz too much .... i can't believe that someone i used to cherish and love would do such a thing to me... i juz can't imagine... but... believe it or not, itz so true... and i can't help but hate him even more... i don't know if i should use the word "hate", cuz itz such a strong word... but it makez me feel that way and i can't do anything about it...

but then again, maybe by thiz way, i could move on a lot easier than before... becuz of the hatred i have within me, i can't even look at him, most probably... i don't know if one of these dayz, i'll meet him at the mall... hahahhaa.... that would be really funny! i don't think i'll say "Hi" ... i wouldn't want to butt in his relationship with his gurl... i think i know that the gurl is very jealous of me now, so i'll juz have to be as cool as possible...

Forgiving can be very very hard now... i can't really think about that now... can't even look at him... juz... really ARGHHH!!! I wish i was like OUT of here!! i really do!!

come on, thiz iz really pathetic... today, i feel so numb, and i'm so silent, i can't even bare to smile... seriously... i wish i could get out of the house, but i don't think i would be able to...

Wow!!! What a good way to start the new year!?! I've got a wonderful... wonderful time with my friendz today! I met Emily and Sylvee, both my best friendz! hehehehe!! itz juz a wonderful thing!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!!

Ahh.. a new year has come, and we shall seize the year!! with all the challengez thru life! *what am i yapping about !!?! * I don't even know what i'm talking about ... all i did for the minutez before the final countdown, was praying... praying to God, thanking Him for such a wonderful year.... a year where i could experience happiness and joy.... then there'z sadness and pain... I learned a lot thru thiz year, and i really really appreciated what i've been going thru... all i have to do is accept the past and move on... and yet, it was a marvelous way to see life... :) such an adventure... such an experience.... i know i might whine and complain about it... here and then, but i try my best to think of it as a positive way... knowing that... these thingz in life, you MUST go thru, or else, we all would be too lost and wouldn't have the courage to live our life... and it'z all connected to what you are going to be in life... whether you strive to survive in it... or juz look at it with that deepest sorrow in your heart... You can choose... Of course, every human being would want a better life for themselves... so i guess i won't have to talk that much, when you all would already know that.. without me saying it... but to be honest, i intend to forget those thingz... those simpliest thingz in life... so i'm trying my best to remind myself.. each time... I'm not perfect you know.... hehehehe!!

Well, anyway, i hope all of you, would have a fantastic new year... hoping that you will achieve something even more thru this coming year... and God bless you all!

BTW, at around 2 am in the morning, a few friendz of mine came over to my house to juz sit and talk outside my porch! it was really nice... i didn't think i would celebrate my new year'z with my friendz... but unexpectedly, i did! wonderful! really is! I can't thank them enough for actually coming to my place... Thank you, Reno, Yunior, Rizky and Phanie! You're wonderful, and hope your year will become much better than the last.... Bless you all! :)