Shopping...

Tee-Hee... i've been really indulging myself... like for me, i've been shopping for a few thingz, like jeans, magazinez, earrings and well, textiles to make clothez... uhmm.. itz something to look forward to... hehehe..... hiehiehe.. okay now i'm getting a little way out of hand.. i think i'm starting to want to look nice.. you know.. like girl-nice.. ppl have known me as the tomboy gurl, and is never into those girly stuffz, but right now, i think i'd like to try... i mean, it won't hurt, would it?

I want to buy shoes.. you know those pointy shoes, and then well, nice gurly topz if possible.. hohohoohoho.. shinta is gonna be lookin like a gurl, lately... my mom and my sister has been whining about me not being too gurly enuf and they're really taking the advantage of making me a gurl... hohohoho!

well, it'z about TIME!!?!?! I think!!! aehieahiehaiheieaihieaea!!!

Besides that i've been reading most of the time, for my own good! so... yeah, too keep my mind of the lame past i have that seems to bug me everytime.... and that i can't get over it that easily!... why is it so....?!?!? gooosssshhhh!!!! help me... someone help me!!! goodness!!!!

Walking After You...

Tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
Things just won't do without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back

If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you

If you'd accept surrender, I'll give up some more
Weren't you adored
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back

If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you

Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back

I cannot be without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back

If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you

Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back

-------------------

hmm... remember this song??? anybody? hmm... hehehe.. itz so sad... the song is sad... and yet.. so touching and beautiful....

right now, i don't know what to do... i really don't! gosh, my energy all wasted and so numb... is this what they call "self-pity"... oh dear!! no.. no.. that'z not it... being the complicated me.. i sometimes ask myself, why am i like this? i really don't know why... the weirdest thing... I'm juz taking thingz as it is...i don't want to run away from my problemz... only juz accepting it the way it is... itz juz so uhm... me! i can't help but juz be...

my life hasn't been really exciting for now.. itz like plain and bare... i can't really think of a time, that i'm really excited about something!!!??!?! only the Linkin Park Concert 2 weekz ago! but.. after that... nothing!

I was thinking about making another "blog" but in indonesian? do you think? i think i should... :D but i won't have to leave this blog of mine... hehehe...

Tired as Hell...

Yesterday, I spend the whole day in karawaci, tangerang. NOT my campus, but my friend's house over there.... I had to do several assignment for desktop class, and well, my computer was dead on me, so i had to go all over to karawaci to do it... so like 9 am to 6 pm... at Tha2s houze! geez!!! it was something... i designed several things, like posters and magazinez.. but i really don't think it was nice... the fact that i was really pushing it to finish on that day as well... so it wasn't my complete ultimate creation of art! grrrr!!

Anyway... i juz heard a song today, by Jimmy Eat World - "Your House" and... it goes something like this...

When you're on, i swear
you're on
i think the whole room can hear me clear my throat
then out of nowhere you put me right back there
we know what happens when we get back to your house
you're winning me over with everything you say
when i let you closer
i only want you closer
you rip my heart right out
i throw away everything i've written you
anything
just keep me mind off it
thinking how i had you once
no, i can't forget that
sometimes i wish i could lose you again
if you still care at all, don't go tell me now
if you still love me at all, please don't tell me now
if you still love me at all
don't call


Yup... a perfect dedication to my sweet ex... the part when it says, "if you still care at all, don't go tell me NOW! if you still love me at all, please don't tell me now"...

and yez.... don't tell me now... cuz its worn and dead already......

Marriage...and i'm Tired...

Now, ppl i come across these dayz... are really getting the hand of talking about marriage... well, knowing the fact of my age... ppl do start to think more and more about the future... It doesn't matter... itz not something that shouldn't be talked about... but.. rather making me think of how my thoughts that haven't really gotten there yet... I am a gurl,and yez, sometimez i do think about it.. but i never... like never, sit down and really come to realize it.. that i want this... and that.. and all that that... wow!! itz a little too much for me...!

Yesterday, talked to my ex thru the phone... and well, that "word" came to the subject... whoaaa!!! geez, something i didn't really expect would come out from his mouth... hahahhaahha! but i wasn't so surprised... cuz i knew from the moment he dated his gf now... marriage would be the opinion.. I would if i were him! hahahaha... seriously... he loved the gurl since uhm.... high school.. and been admiring the gurl until college... and then... ( i came in the picture ) but then.. he got his answer.. that he should be with someone else... and well, both of their parents know each other so well.. so.. yeah...

Personally i'm already tired... so tired of the uncertain actions from thiz ex of mine.. and yesterday juz made my whole body lost all itz strength of asking the truth! and AT LAST! he does KNOW where he's going... and I told him to never look back anymore.. if he really thinkz of a serious relationship... cuz he slips... he'll juz loose everything... don't u think?!?!?! well, as a good friend, i told him.. but also told him to never talk about the past between the both of us.. juz keep it as a memory.. and NEVER talk it ... cuz it hurtz even though it comes out as a joke...

Now, i'm tired... seriously tired..... no more... no more .... I juz only can wish him all the best and all the happiness in the world... hohoho! i'll be honest, yeah, it does hurt... talking about marriage with an ex! especially when that person used to be someone special... but i know itz for the best! and my best is yet to come.. but not now.... One thing that made me cry in the conversation was that he wanted me to be happy and he wanted me to have a bf as soon as possible...!! I only smirked at him, but cried softly... that it ain't easy for me to do so... :)

For what'z it worth... i'm really relief now that itz all OVER! HONESTLY! really...OVER>>>>!! GAME OVER!... the book has closed... and yes, the perfect closure for my happy ending............

i'm juz tired...... and there's so much for me to learn...

Linkin Park Concert!

The ultimate event of the MONTH!!!! AHHHHH!!! Damn, i didn't really think i'd be able to go to this one particular concert... one of my favorite bands of all time! hmm... Linkin Park!! The best band and had the wickest concert ever held in Jakarta!!! ( well i only went to a few concertz in the jkt ) but still.. this one was the BOMB!!! Linkin Park is the FREAK!!! really Sick!!! everyone there had a great time!!! it was juz extremely cool!!! I went there with my cousin, Mas Tara and his gf, Mbak Tia...! and a few friendz of Mas Tara!!! GOSH!!! it was juz FREAKY!!! All the songz that were played were juz DAMNed cool!!! THe last song was "One Step Closer" and it was juz the ending that really rocked everyone!! Everyone juz jumped and jumped non-stop and sang the song like histerically without shame!! it juz "ROCKED" as hell!!!!!!!

Great thankz to my cousin, Mas Tara and Mbak Tia, if it weren't for them, i wouldn't have gone and wouldn't have had the greatest time of my life after all the problems i had a few days ago.. I mean, i juz felt alive after having that concert and enjoying the experience of a real live concert of LINKIN PARK!!!!

LINKIN PARK!!! YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Family Fun..

I've been having so much fun with my family lately! ever since... thursday... we went bowling!! and then in the evening we went to plaza senayan.. then on friday we had a wedding reception to go to... it was Mas Bimo's wedding.. my big bro from NYC... actually he was this mean one when i was very small, he used to shout at me everytime i cried... he would look down to me and call me a "cry baby"... SHEESH! but hey now that we're all grown up.. and he's MARRIED for crying out loud.. gosh.. time juz passes so quickly...!

After the very nice entertaining wedding, we, as a family went to the Regent Hotel for a drink... and guess what!!? MaliQ & D`essentialz were playing at "The Bar"... and damn!! they can really play music!!!! The pianist in that band is my old friend from elementary school in Cendrawasih II .. hohohoho.. itz really nice to know one of your friendz are doing something good! :D hehehehehe... my parents loved the band! it was great!!

And today i went to Kemayoran with my dad! hehehehe.. cars ... cars.. and cars... it was packed with cars that place.. but i enjoyed my time with my dad... going there... i was juz in the mood...and also to keep my mind off the problemz i have been thinking lately...

Oh yeah, I finished the book "The Da Vinci Code" by Dan Brown! it was magnificent!!! geez!!! it was the coolest!!! i want to read the other book too, called "Angels and Demons" it must be fasinating!!! hieheiheie...

Wild Thang..

okay, ppl, do u think the blogspot has been a little bit slow lately..?? i haven't been able to get in becuz of the SLOW...SLOW connection from Jakarta, Indonesia!! Like HELL NO!!! why can't it be any faster??? geez... oh well, why blaming... and i can't do anything about it... so what the hell!!! good thing there's still internet in Jakarta...

anyway, these past few weeks have been really fun, exciting, sad, crazy and confusing! My life has been going up and down ever since i had my week of exams... pretty weird... but exciting! I couldn't thank more for the loveliest way of living like this where u don't think its really juz a straight line, rather like, i'm going up and down a rollercoaster with different kinds of speed and heights! Most wonderful!

right now, i'm in sum sort of dilemma of confusion... love is all in it... I don't really know where to start on this... have you ever felt like you want to have something so bad, but then when you already have it... you sort of lose interest of it...? geez... not to complain or anything... but... life is like that sometimes.. and i don't know... I'm starting to sound like a complete weirdo..

for instance, love... to come think of it.. its so wonderful and yet so demanding at timez.. i can't control myself of it... I want it.. BADLY! but... i'm not sure i'm up to it... i've been talking about my life and love life... and seems that reality comes back to me that i can't forget of my ONE particular past... yup.. my ex!! ARghhh!!! how lame can you get huh??? you guyz probably think i'm such a loser to this thing, and i'm not moving on... but... geez... i can't... WhY??? cuz itz still a big question...? cuz i can feel it that itz not over... there's not closure of some sort....

L.O.S.E.R = me! Okay, don't get me wrong, but i'm not asking for something like "can i go back to the old dayz!?" question to my ex... but more or less, i'm trying to ask him to let go... and help me let go too!!!! but how.... cuz it still has a mark.. in both of us ... Gosh... itz not that easy when it still means so much to you.. and let me tell you... it ain't easy when you know it by heart that it'z been wonderful... i don't know about the other side... but... all i know there are pretty main issues about him and me that he can't juz naturally forget about our past even with his gf now... Oh God, did I say that??!?!?!?!?! DID I ACTUALLY SAY THAT?!??!!? *D.E.V.I.L* but itz true....

but thru all that going thru, i guess i'm taking my life at an edge now! doing the wackiest thingz i've alwayz wanted to do... and ending up stupid and particular watched by my love ones too! HOHOHOHOHOH!!!! i needed something to juz stimulate me.. and it did... and after knowing the consequencez... i know my limits now! AHAHHAhaHHAHAaA!! I mean, i've fallen to the hole.. and i'm not gonna fall in that anymore!!! Geez, u know what? i think itz all got to do with the age! being 21 is the age where you really can juz run out there and be as crazy and arrogant as you want to me... who cares what ppl think, as long as you're happy... so i guess, being 21 and not being able to decide WHAT you want out of life, might be familiar to some otherz... but i don't know.. maybe i'm the insane one, and have gone completely mad!!!

Or maybe becuz i haven't got the real answer to all this... i'm still searching.. wanting to know what could have been... u know... i'm searching for the limits to my youth dayz...what would it be like if i knew that this whole thing would only mean one thing? I NEED TO KNOW what'z going on in ppl's head... why does it have to be like this.. and that, why can it be as simple as the mind wants it to be... i guess there are NO answers to that huh? Life's a mystery... and we should go thru it... in each step we make...

Oh how i really wish i could just make up my mind on things... i wish that things will juz put in place... cuz the thing is .. i don't know where i stand.. or what i want thru life.... i'm being selfish and rude and obnoxious!!!!!

Please forgive me for the inconvience of my mind... where nothing seems to go systematically according to the natural way of life...... pardon me.....

*Runs out the door with a big "Kick Me" paper on my back!!!*

Hahahhhaha, Wild Thang!

Ok.... so sorry by the blogspot has been a real pain... as in that itz very very long to load!!! Hikz!! thatz why i haven't been writing in my blog at all!!! OH GOSH!!! NOW I HAVE TO GO!!!!! GEEZ!!! ok okay... i'll write again as soon as possible k!?!?! tonite if possible!!!! itz been WILD these dayz!!!!